無常 #2

今早一醒來，就被法國姐姐的信息嚇倒。

啊，歷史悠久，壯觀美麗的巴黎圣母院 Notre Dame Cathedral 被大火侵襲！2014年，我和Jane第一次到法國，沒機會去Notre Dame Cathedral 朝聖。第二次去法國是2015年，我和Jane特別去 了之前沒機會參觀的地方。看！完美的Notre Dame Cathedral 在我們身後！

這次的火災，再次提醒了我，生命充滿了無常呀~

今日，又因為許志安出軌事件，朋友覺得人生太多無常了。此时此刻的鄭秀文一定好難過。朋友覺得，兩個人在一起，看似恩愛但當感情起了變化，是痛苦的。所以，她認為還是學會優雅一個人獨處比較實際。

是的呢，的確會痛。不過也不應該因為一件事情會變化，會結束而不去開始。

每件人事物本來就是會有'生滅' 象〜有生就有死，有開始就有結束。这是人生的过程。重要的是，我們學習活在當下，學習珍惜身邊的人事物，學習認真的過每一天。

當然同時學習優雅獨處也是需要滴！萬一感情，友情，親情結束了，也不會因此而倒掉。就像今日燒毀的巴黎圣母院一樣。她雖然被燒傷了，但還是壯觀的站著！

法國姐姐寄來的〜

Hurt but still standing~ 

法國姐姐給我的靈感~

無常

很多大智者不斷提醒，生命無常，記得要好好珍惜家人好友，珍惜每個機會等等。我上了幾年的課，無常這個詞，我不陌生。

是呀，無常我知道，但卻常忘了放在心上，用在生活上。直到突然有事發生，又再次喚起了人生無常這件事。哎，人啊，為何會这麼的得過且過呀？

今晚，我有點想念我童年的好朋友。她跟我和jane 同年同月同日出生。也是一對雙胞胎。我們不認識另一個雙胞胎，因為小時候，她們分別被兩個不同的家庭領養了。我們小時候最愛去她家。因為她有一個很大的娃娃房子，当然也很喜欢一起玩耍啦~ 

後來由于大家到不同的地方求學，我們因此失聯了。我們那個年代，沒有 facebook，instagram，手機，聊天軟體等，說失聯就真的失聯了。 2001 年中學好朋友結婚，不小心認識了她的另一個雙胞胎。聽她妹妹說，她結婚了，嫁到西馬去了。以為以後都見不到了，結果2014年去 handicraft market 探望朋友，竟然碰到了她！緣分這件事，真的很妙。我們趕緊拿了彼此的聯繫方式。只是後來因為大家很忙，我們沒機會聚聚。

沒想到，這成了一輩子的遺憾。因為她今天凌晨離世了。

她兩年前被診出得了乳癌。她常常會把病情po 在 facebook 上。有人熱情的給與鼓勵，而我選擇默默的為她祈願。得知她往生的消息時，我愣了一下。腦海裡浮現了很多小時候的回憶。

慧麗，你到天國了了要乖乖喔。我相信你在上帝的身邊一定會很快樂的。謝謝你給我一個美好的童年~ 榆和彬想你了~

May you rest in peace~ 

Forgive and forget~

It's interesting how many things one can accumulate over the years.

This morning, i decided to do some spring cleaning on my laptop.

Everyday, i add in new things and none comes out because i think to myself, what if I need them one day? Of course most of the time, this day never comes. But i keep them anyway, just in case.  Oh well,  the files only take up virtual space, i thought I might as well leave them there, because re-building from scratch is a pain. Am I the only one feeling insecure? haha...

Today is a historical moment because it's time to delete.Yes, there comes a time when you are forced to do something and only then, u realise that, those things u think were important at that time, no longer seem important now.  

At a press of a 'delete' button, over 1,250 files in my dowloads folder, which i had accumulated for the past 5 years were gone in less than a minute. Looking at the speed, i suddenly thought, if we all could delete/ let go of our unhappy thoughts, memories and feelings at this speed, wouldn't we be happier? Wouldn't the world be more peaceful?   

Many times, we hold on to past events, be it happy or unhappy ones, be it hatred or love for many years. Good ones are like vitamins for our healthy, while the bad ones are slowly killing us but we refuse to admit them... We think, by doing so we are showing the other parties some 'colours' but in actual fact, we are punishing ourselves. 

Hmmmm... something to work on....

如果我们也能以这种速度忘了，原谅了，是否会过的更快乐？

你...盡了本分嗎?

最近有點忙。

說有點，其實是虛報 呵呵~
只能說，多希望一天有 48 個小時。
哈哈，我自虐狂的特性又來了 😆
沒法子，要做的事情太多了呀~

忙了許久的小空間，終於快好了！ *撒花*
這幾週，我家裡及工作室來來往往，東西扛上扛下，忙著打掃整理，連共用的樓梯都不放過。身上到處都是傷痕及淤青。東西一樣一樣的人力扛到3樓、雖然全身酸痛，汗水流了幾桶，但看著工作室漸漸成形，心裡倒是很感動及欣慰。這種感覺就像媽媽們懷了10個月的胎兒終於要出世的心情吧？緊張但又期待，害怕但又興奮、又感動.... 

心情複雜、百感交集~

曾經聽過很多人抱怨古晉很悶，沒有什麼特別的。哈哈，不瞞你說，我曾經也是其中一個抱怨者。

那時，我總覺得其它地方很有他國的特色，讓人想一直探索。比如去到法國，覺得那裡流露了一陣陣藝術浪漫的氣息。去到台灣，那裡有著人情味。踏到澳洲，那裡是陽剛運動的氣息。在布拉格，那裡流露著童話故事的浪漫。去到檳城，覺得那裡流露著文化藝術的氣息..... 那, 古晉呢？

有外国朋友說，古晉有著南洋懶洋洋的感覺。這....是好的印象嗎？哈哈
我不知道。但至少古晉是個樸實的地方。

我認為，一個地方的感覺是由大家一起營造出來的。如果你覺得古晉沒有故事，沒有文化，沒有感覺，那我們大家真的要自我審核了。
是否我們自己也沒有盡到自己的本分，讓古晉里里外外都美麗精彩呢？

很多朋友很努力的保護，宣傳這個美麗的地方。
也有人很努力的創造， 讓古晉跳出框框。
大家用的方式不一樣但都有著一樣的目標。
但大家的力量畢竟有限。

期許更多的人能看到，體會到，感激及珍惜这些在背後一直努力的人及意義。

期許更多人被感染，大家一起動起來讓古晉更有內涵~

分享我老爸昨天跟我說的一句話 -  不要問人家可以給你什麼。問自己你能為人家做些什麼。

The hidden message

Some say, the opposite attracts. I think otherwise though. Just think of it this way, if you can't stand a certain things, how would it be possible for u to form a good relationship with people who possess those things? Unless it's unconditional love hahahaha.. like how i love Jane :P

In my view, people form friendship with those who hold the same values as them. Otherwise, u are into topic A and he/she is into topic B, i don't know how long this kind of friendship would last haha

In my world, i don't like to regards problems as problems. I don't like to sit there and whine about how unfair life is because we are the writers of our own destiny. You choose what kind of a person you want to be. You choose how you want to react to situations. There is no easy way but when there is a will, there is a way.  To me, nothing is good or bad. It's us, who put a tag on what we like and don't like or what's good or bad. 

I used to get frustrated when certain things turned out differently when I'd already made perfect plans. Then i realised, that's the way things are, change is constant. I either move with change or be left behind. I still do my best to prevent things from happening, but if it still turns out differently, i just gotta accept it and see how else i could improve. And who knows, the unexpected change might turn out to be a good thing! 

I have been added to many chat groups - Buddhism class group, medical volunteer group,  charity org group,  real estate motivating group.... The one thing these groups have in common is, they all want to make a difference to the society.

One day, i had nothing to do and viewed the group of people in one of the groups (haha, how meaningful :P). Wow, everyone has very positive quotes as their introduction. I guess the quotes must be what they want to achieve in the future or have achieved or realised. 

When i got to the bottom of the list, i laughed so hard XD

If these people ever go through the list like i did, i wonder what they think of me when they see the chicken! haha..

Actually, the chicken is not just a random icon i put. It has a positive energy meaning. U have to read the hidden message!

So i did a little survey by asking a few friends what they think the icon implies.

A friend said, "don't know. You are craving for chicken rice?" (i do like to eat chicken rice but that's not what it means haha)

Another said, is that your year of birth? (oh, why not? haha)

My colleague gave the most hilarious reply

She said, "it's very obvious! I think u support 那只鸡" (@.@)

haha, ok, looks like great minds aren't easy to find hehe...

That chicken, popping out from the egg means 重生 (Rebirth) --> when we are presented with new things which we have no idea how to handle, do not fear or run away. Find ways to overcome them. Once u crossover, you are no longer the person you were yesterday because you have gained one more strength, you are one step better.

That chicken popping out from its egg also means stepping out from your comfort zone. Do not let fears stop you from chasing after your dreams. We only live once. If you never never try, you will never never know your capabilities.

That chicken popping out from the egg also means, growing up/ being strong because if it breaks from the outside, it means you let yourself be beaten by the external forces, however if it breaks from the inside, it means that you have taken actions to overcome your shortcomings ( 从外打破是压力，从内打破是成长).

See? i do not even need any words to express my positive thoughts! Awesome right?

My one little chicken icon is FULL of Wisdom!

This is truly a picture is worth ten thousand words! :P

旺年的歡樂~

農曆新年過了，大家回歸到原本的生活了嗎？

還是還在繼續大吃大喝？

還是後悔當時吃太多，現在連過年衣也有點緊了？

還是像我一樣，多買幾件鬆鬆垮垮的衣服，讓我自以為還是可以繼續大吃大喝？ *墮落*

過年前，答應朋友去參加他們獅子會的討論會。

他們說要給老人院安排一個旺旺年新年 party。哇，這是一定要的呀！

有人提議說，可以給每位老人家一個小小的紅包。因為有時麵包車來到，能走動的老公公老婆婆們開心的出去瞧瞧，但看著琳瑯滿目的食物卻沒錢買。其他的會員覺得是個好提議，但由於 budget 有限，決定不給紅包。

我和朋友聽到這個決定，心裡有點點心酸的。小時候，我也最喜歡麵包車，菜車，冰淇淋 uncle 嗶嗶的來到我們家。我媽媽會給我一兩毛錢，剛好可以買一樣東西。對的！很久以前，一兩毛錢比牛車輪還大，真的可以買到東西吃呢！現在一兩毛連停車費都不夠呀！ T__T 哎， 往事只能回味..... *我老了嗎？哈哈*

Anyway, 我們倆過後跟朋友說，紅包錢由我們來負責。因為我們覺得這是一種意義！讓老人家在這個新年裡，拿到一點點零用錢，買到的不是食物而是千金難買的回憶！

我們把這事情跟身邊的人分享，沒想到馬上就籌到了紅包錢。有些還來自國外呢！真的很感激善良的大家呀！

後來自己又覺得，如果由我們自己去派紅包，感覺好像怪怪的。好像大選前，有些人到處派紅包拉票的感覺，呵呵 （純粹個人感受，我不會因此要坐牢吧？>.<）

我在想，如果能找到一位財神爺來派紅包，應該會更好。老爺爺老奶奶從財神爺手中得到红包的話，他們會有一種被保佑祝福的感覺吧~ 但但但... 要去哪裡找財神爺呀？

這時就要靠神通廣大的朋友們啦~ 找了同事幫我打電話，結果還真的找到呢。只是問題是，他的收費有點高 >.<

雖說我也不能要求人家免費付出，或許他也是在為莫個善事在籌款, 但幾百塊對我來說真的有些吃力 :(

我跟他說，其實是用來娛樂老人院的老媽媽老爸爸們的，不知可否收少一點呢？或是允許我過後包個紅包回饋他。

他說他平時的收費就是這樣的了。

噢，明白了。

有些失落， 心裡一直祈願能找到收費在負擔以內的財神，因為真心希望老人家們有個特別的 party。

隔天，朋友來我家拜年，我提起了這件事，她說可以幫我問問一位朋友。第二天她跟我說，她朋友願意借出他們公司的可愛的卡通財神裝。而且還免收費！哇, 真的是菩薩心腸呀。

你知道嗎？當你真誠的希望別人好時，老天一定會派天使來幫忙的！深深體會！感謝大家拔刀相助！

當晚，由一位朋友的朋友 volunteer 當財神。財神一出場，老媽媽們開心的大呼叫呢！有些拍手，有些笑的好燦爛！

財神小心翼翼的把紅包及吉祥橘子交到每位老媽媽老爸爸的手裡，他們感激快樂的雙手握著財神爺的手。有幾位狀況比較嚴重躺在病床上的老人家當然也沒被忽略，可愛的財神把紅包橘子放在他們的床邊。

有位行動不便的阿姨堅持要站起來。我們大家只好扶著他。他緊緊握著財神的手，用客家話說“謝謝財神爺下凡來看我。請您保佑我，讓我順順。我的腳很痛，請您保佑我....." 看著這一幕，聽著他這麼許願，真的很感觸。原來財神不僅給老人家們帶來歡樂，同時也給了他們希望......

還有一位眼睛看不到的老伯伯邊摸財神邊開心的說，真的是財神啊。有鬍子的。呵呵，好可愛~

看著老伯伯老媽媽們開心的模樣，一切都值得了。其實你有沒有想過、一直以為自己在幫助人、事實是他們幫助了我們呢～ 

這是我第一次來到獅子會的老人院。說實在的，我和朋友們有些驚訝。因為我們沒想到原來這裡有這麼多狀況比較嚴重的老伯伯老婆婆！跟之前去的那家真的有不一樣。

印象深刻的是一位老伯伯。他拉拉我的手，叫我把他輪椅上的布剪開。我還真的差點去拿剪刀呢 後來我想，這塊布應該是護士綁的吧，以避免老伯伯擅自走動。我馬上跟老伯伯說我現在沒剪刀，等下才去找。老伯伯說，天快黑了，他要在天黑前去買山豬肉。他要烤豬肉。啊~原來老伯伯是失智的老人家。

朋友說，大家有空可以多去看看老人家。他們很開心的。朋友們、還等什麼？走吧！

財神送祝福~

财神装真的很热！

CNY reflection

After all the hectic cleaning to get ready for CNY, it kinda makes me reflect...

Why on earth do we make ourselves so tired before CNY? I know I know, CNY is the time we celebrate one year of hard work, forgive and forget the bad, welcome new luck and better future... But the hectic cleaning? I really don't see how it fits in :P 

I hate to admit it but it just shows how little i do everyday to keep the house i live in, clean @.@

 

Yes, I am a responsible person. I don't like to give excuses of how busy life is and i don't like to blame others if i haven't done my part. I have lots of cleaning to do before CNY simply because of my laziness,  the dirt and dust accumulate for a year and by the time i want to clean, they have already become too stubborn to remove or part of the fixtures! 

This doggie year, I will try to clean as often as I could. I think if I force myself to do it on a more regular basis, sooner or later, it will become a habit. Let's see how long this lasts hehe...

Oh, i have to share this for it would be sinful not to. My friend nicely delivered homemade cookies to me this morning. Am so touched that someone actually took the trouble to make these at 4am! The cookies are soOOoo cute! I kinda have a good feeling for 2018. It's gonna be 旺旺旺.  Doggie year, I am ready for you! ^^

My friend's creation

So cute!

Be suspicious

The world is becoming an unsafe place :(

Last week, something happened at our home. 

When i got home last Tuesday, my mum told me that someone would be coming to fix our house phone. Just when i was wondering how on earth my mum knew how to lodge a report, our house phone rang. The lady spoke in Mandarin and asked for my mum. I politely asked her who she is (that's my routine question because my mum always asks me before she comes answering the phone), she said she spoke to my mum earlier about sending people over. She said my phone could've been suspended for non-payment. Then i told her, if my phone had been suspended, how on earth she could call in. She mumbled and hung up.

Immediately, i became suspicious. I asked mum how did she found this lady. My mum told me that the lady called our home herself. Oh, now it was even scarier. Never in my life had TM ever called without me calling them first. I told mum not to open the door if anyone ever shows up to fix the phone.

The next day, my mum called me when i was at work. She said a friend of mine just called our house phone and said he would like to invite Jane and I to his wedding. He told mum that he had lived overseas for years and lost touch with us and asked for my mobile phone number. My mum gave it to him. Again, i was skeptical. I told my mum I have never given our house phone number to anyone and i don't have a friend called Ah Hong. I reminded my mum to not answer the house phones anymore. I think someone must be trying to play a trick on us.

Half an hour later, I received calls from my brothers, asking me where i was. Feeling strange, i told them in office, where else? They asked me to call my mum immediately. So i called, not knowing what happened although everyone sounded worried. It turned out that, someone called my mum's mobile phone, and strangely, it showed my mobile phone number although i had never made the call! A man threatened that he had me in his hand for I'd borrowed money from him and didn't pay up. My mum said there was a lady crying in the background.

OMG, i've read this story online! And the real thing actually happened to us! I told my mum to switch off her phone immediately. My dad insisted to drive behind my car after work. He said, just in case it wasn't a crank call.

For the next two days, he continued to send me to office. My dad, he doesn't speak of love for his children but his actions say it all. It was peace and quiet for the next two days until... my mum's hand phone rang again on Friday evening.

A man asked if the daughter had reached home. My mum thought it was a friend of mine and replied "not yet". The man then said "she will never be able to return home anymore. She has upset my people and we are sending people to pour acid at her!!".

Heard that a lot of people have received crank calls recently. We could ignore them but the scary thing is, how did these people get hold of our confidential info?! 

Anyway, we all should be more cautious. Too many wants, desires but too little heart to learn to the proper ways to earn them. Always be suspicious of strange calls or messages... Oh wait, I'm a Scorpio and born to be suspicious hahahaha...(^~^)Y a kind-hearted Scorpio that is~~ 

2017 年的總結

2017 年又快過去了。

時間似劍呀！每年我都說同樣的話。感覺就像在輪迴 哈哈

怎麼每一年我都覺得時間不夠用呀？哈哈～ 感覺事情還有一堆沒做好學好的，一年又過了~ 是我自己把自己搞得太忙嗎？其實我有一種強迫症（應該是上進心 ：P），就是如果沒幹什麼，我會覺得渾身不舒服，總覺得日子不能空過！哎，我真的是天生勞碌命啊~

今年開始慢慢突破自己。
其實是從去年開始的。
原本我打算乖乖的打工，一輩子領薪水就好。時間到了就退休，這樣子的生活。

雖然我偶爾會羨慕看似沒在上班的創業的朋友們，感覺他們的時間比較有彈性。但後來才知道，要有彈性的生活，首先要付出時間及努力！

Anyway, 這種一生平穩領工資的人生計劃 因為我們的一個理念，讓我們決定豁出去。

偶爾我也會擔心。我真的確定要這麼做嗎？確定要放棄目前的穩定生活及收入嗎？我知道我可以不用這麼做，但我不想我老了後，回想曾經的理想而遺憾。我們是自己人生的作者，自己的人生故事自己寫呀。

無數的人好奇，為何我們要開始一件冷門的事業。茶，茶藝，茶料理，創意，藝術等真的會有人 buy in 嗎？背後的原因到底是什麼呢？我想，今天我應該好好聊聊我們的出發點。

很久以前，我和 Jane 常飛去台灣。那時不是為了別人，單純只是為了自己。

為何說是為了自己？話說10年前（天啊，這麼久了呀！），當時的我總問自己到底來到這個世界是什麼目的？我總覺得我應該是有使命要完成的，但我不知道是什麼。記得那時我常常問自己到底未來的方向是什麼？就連我在人間仙境的SAPA, 乘著巴士，看著遠方的美景，看著生活簡譜，努力工作的當地人也不僅覺得，難道人生就只是這樣嗎？忙碌生活賺錢，買買自己想要的東西，吃吃喝喝，偶爾到國外旅行... 就只是這樣？因為台灣之旅、我慢慢清楚自己來到世間的目的。

後來我看了一部’看見台灣‘的紀錄片。我在黑暗的戲院裡落下了慚愧的眼淚。導演把人類的醜事揭發。人類不但奪了植物，動物的空間，還破壞了默默提供生命給我們的地球！人類真的太糟糕了！我們不知道自己能夠為地球，世界做什麼。但我想我們可以用我們小小的力量，為周邊的人或社會做些什麼吧～

說真的，如果只有我一個人很好但其他人都不好，有什麼意義呀？我真的不喜歡活得驚心膽戰，去那裡，幹什麼都害怕被搶，被騙等等。我希望大家都過的無憂無慮，這樣世界真的會很美麗！ *世界小姐不都這麼說嗎？呵呵*

我知道，我真的有點不太正常 哈哈~

所以，開創這個事業，除了想把好東西帶給大家之外（因為我們相信因果，絕對不想因為自己的利益而造下孽緣。我們對自己的行為要負責！所以我們在決定之前都很認真的做了功課。我們參訪過這位茶農（也是茶師）的高山茶園，了解他的背景為人，種植方式等, 品了他的作品，確定他的茶是有機優質的，他的所作所為符合我們的理念，才決定把茶千山萬水的帶到古晉），我們更想提倡'慈悲' ------》 慈悲善待地球，慈悲善待身邊的人，慈悲善待陌生人，慈悲善待自己。

我們相信，唯有善待一切，世界會更美好。

這個事業會否成功、我不知道。

但這個精神、我們希望可以長長久久流轉下去。希望每一個都學會善待一切～

请多多指教

Is my logic logical?

I have a new fear which I have not overcome.

I think this will take time and effort.

I'm worried that family and friends get the wrong idea that my motive is to make money from them so i tried to be low profile. 

There is nothing wrong for them to have such thoughts. Because they may have been scared by people whose motives are, well, simply to make money from them and run away. 

I had that kind of experience too. For example, that insurance that I bought. Before I committed myself, she was sOOo friendly and helpful until I signed that paper. 

And that direct sales membership which i signed up because i wanted to learn how to have better health etc. As soon as i committed, my previous upline disappeared. And it was a miracle is that I actually obediently purchased health products for 3 years without supervision. 

Despite the above, I don't close my hearts. I don't know whether to call myself a fool or a kind hearted person  :P I just think that not everyone is like that. 不能一竹竿打翻一船人.I believe that there are good people out there who genuinely want to share good things with me. By giving them a chance, i also give myself an opportunity. Who knows, this might be the thing i need :) 

I've a friend who is doing part time direct selling. She shares information she learns during her classes, sends me pamphlets of monthly promotion, asks me to attend talks regarding health etc. She does the same for others. Then one day, a colleague told me that she feels that my friend just wants to make money out of her. I was stunned! I truly appreciate my friend's gesture because without doing anything, I got to enjoy the fruits of her hard work!. And I just think that it's appropriate that I pay for such "services " because how else would I find out about the good things if it weren't for her who has invested time, money and effort to discover and test them? And only by "paying" her, she would have an income to sustain her act.  And only by giving them a try would i know if the items are worthy of my money or not. 

Haha, i don't know. I have always been a weird one. I don't even know if my logics are logical to you or not haha...

What do u think?

Hi to My fears

Do you have any fears?

I have. And a lot.

I used to let these fears stop me from progressing. Simply because I'm afraid. I did realise that I can't live like this forever but I was too afraid to do things that i was afraid of.

My parents saw this weakness. They pushed us to do things we feared of. I didn't like it. I wondered why my parents were not like other parents who let their kids just be kids. I wondered if I were adopted. I wondered if they loved me. I wondered and wondered but there was no answer.

At first, life was tough for me. I had to deal with my fears, find ways to overcome them. I was in a state of uneasiness. I wanted to give up and run away and hide. I went to look for my friend "little willow tree" and told her about my problems. She listened to my sorrows quietly.

Although i feared, I continued to do something. Strangely, once i did one thing, one fear disappeared! Then I dealt with one more fear and one more disappeared! Then i realised, I actually could 'delete' my fears if I accept my flaws, face them and conquer them! Fears are like a never ending thingie. New ones will develop as time passes by. yes, God wants us to continually improve ourselves haha...

Recently, i develop a new fear. 

Fear of stepping out of the comfort zone.

Actually, it isn't so comfortable la. It's just stable.

I gave reasons and tried to procrastinate. I thought by doing so, I could avoid facing it. The problem with procrastination is that, when time is running out, you will have to pay the price!

Psk, it's finally happening. It feels unreal. Jane and my little space is now being 'created'.

I do admit, I was afraid at the beginning but now, i kinda look forward to it. 

It's a one way street. There is no turning back. I will just have to try my best to create history. Like Dr. Choong said in his GST seminar last week - You either create history or become history. It's true. We only live once this life, I might as well create history.

Yes, there are countless of people who question about our moves.

I must agree with them. 

Why is there a need to make life so busy when life is already stable?

Why is there a need to take such risk and jeopardize own future? 

Yes, I have the same doubts as them too. I guess I could either be doubtful for the rest of my life or try my very best to find answers to clear my doubts.

For now, let me just say, I was amazed at how little things i knew before, even though I've obtained a uni degree, obtained so many qualifications and knowledge in my career!  It's a shame i know. 

How foolish i was before to think that I knew how the world operated. I actually only knew how MY world operated *cover face*

I'm glad I have taken this path to an unknown future. It sure is not a breezy walk in the park, but whether it's a success story or not, at least I've given it a go. At least I have learned something different.

"If you want to conquer fear, don't sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy" - Dale Carnegie

Why Hungry?

I'm so glad that my mum's back!

She has been away for 3 weeks. For 3 weeks, i felt hungry all the time even though i'd just eaten a big plate of food @.@

My friends said, my stomach must have been stretched since my mum always cooks a lot and I always try to finish everything she cooks. So this 'big plate of food' is probably just 1/3 of what i normally eat.

Haha, sounds logical but I think that's not the real reason.

I think and analyse hard. Yes, i take this very seriously because it's really a pain to feel hungry all the time!

And

EUREKA!

I finally found the reason!

I was always hungry not because i didn't eat enough.

It's simply because of the quality of the ingredients used in the cooking!

When eating out, the ingredients are probably just normal or below normal quality. But mum, she always uses the best of the best. She spends time growing organic vegetables and fruits for us, going around looking for people who sells high quality ingredients, buying only the freshest. Yep, she shops almost everyday so she cooks what she gets on the day. With so much love, effort and fresh ingredients, no wonder i stay full until the next meal!

This morning, i woke up to find her new dish which she learned in Australia -> Bacon Angel Hair Pasta with olive oil and spices.

My hearty breakfast by my lovely mum

It looked so interesting in our oriental-look plate! haha... I topped it with the basil grown by me (yes, by ME! haha...). I like how it looks in the plate. It kinda symbolizes how life should be ---- blend in!

I'm seriously sick of eating out after weeks of eating out.

I'm so grateful that I can even save this for lunch later (yes, my mum cooks super duber big portion of food)

WohooO! After 3 weeks, i finally feel FULL!

深夜裡的感觸

眼睛有些張不開。

為了大家的‘錢’途，我們在過年前趕緊開 Audit Committee 和 Board Meetings。
外面下著大雨，時間也不早（其實很'早'）了但我還得用力睜開眼睛,絞盡腦汁，在夢遊的狀態下寫報告~ 祈願我的報告不會有太多連我也看不懂的夢話*苦笑*

不知大家收到花紅時，是否知道背後有一群為了大家而犧牲睡眠，吃飯，與家人共處，辦年貨等的人們？

一位好老朋友 （哈哈，有這樣的字嗎？）的醫生說他是高風險產婦，有可能血崩，死亡機率很高。他不收她，請她去大藥房生產。上個月她告知我這件事。我抓著他的手，安慰她說佛菩薩會保佑她的。她會沒事的。但若到時真的需要血，請一定要通知我。她交代了後事。萬一。我點頭，我會幫忙的。昨天，她順利生了一個可愛的貝比。上班時間接到消息，我流下了開心的眼淚。她後來說其實她有流血不止，失了不少血但慶幸醫生順利止住了。

很多人都只緊張肚子裡的貝比卻忘了其實懷孕和生產的媽媽才是最重要的。她很可能連生命都賠上！突然我覺得很傷心。在那個醫學根本不發達的年代，我媽媽竟冒著生命危險把我和Jane生了下來。我想像媽媽很可能就.....

想到這裡，我覺得很內疚。覺得自己是個不稱職的孩子。媽媽有時多說2句，我會對他不耐煩。有時還會跟他頂嘴。偶爾還會不聽她的話，氣她 T___T

我一定要對我的媽媽更好。

她給了我生命。我也應該用我的生命守護她。

媽咪，雖然我很壞蛋，但我真的很愛您喲~

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017!

2016年即將結束。
我來好好總結一下我的2016年。

這一年發生了很多事。對我來說，都是新的學習，新的體悟。
人生不可能永遠沒變化。有些事情的發生，是提醒自己是時候要改變了。

有些事情，讓我知道自己的不足。我會努力提升。
有些事情，提醒我這就是人性。不必太介意，因為大家為己利益，是大家自然的自我保護動作。

我的付出或許不被讚賞，感激或認同。不必太傷心，因為人本來就很難被滿足。或許我的付出對他人來說是多餘或是困擾。我會努力改進我的方法。

怨天尤人我不喜歡，也不會帶來任何好的改變。
記得有次看到這樣的一句話：改變自己比改變別人更容易。
太多人想要改造別人。其實為何不從自己開始？

對的，人不為己，天誅地滅
（p / s：不要再誤會這句話的意思哦。這指的是，人如果不先自己修身，那麼就會為天地所不容。)

祝福大家2017金雞年快樂！願大家身體健康，幸福圓滿一整年！

The messages from my body, soul and mind~

聽說，我們的身心靈會告訴我們他們的狀況。

比如，缺鈣時，會突然很想吃cheese cake， 缺鈉時，會很想吃鹹食等等。
第一眼看到或想到的，也同樣是你身心靈缺乏的東西或嚮往的~

那天我逛書店，突然這個角落吸引了我的目光。

你第一眼看到了什麼？

我當時看到的是：

長假.休閒.生活.留住時光

突然，我頓悟了....

正是我目前需要的.......

《小小生病體悟語》

在醫院時，有位同事上班時間突然跑來找我。
她說：我找你找了好多天！打(電話）去你的位子總是沒人接。原來你在這裡！
找我找的那麼急，怎麼啦？我問她。
她回說她有心事想要跟我說~
也就是說，她找不到我的期間，她被她的心事困擾了好幾天 @-@

安慰她後，她鬆了氣的說早知道就來這裡找我。

躺在病床上，我突然體悟：

尿憋久了會尿道發炎
屎憋久了會便秘
心事憋久了會有心病，會失去快樂
照這樣來說，真的不該憋。
不該留的應該及時‘丟掉’
丟掉是為了走更長遠的路。

生病記~

曾經聽過一位講師說， 經歷不代表經驗。剛開始我有點聽不懂。後來我才知道，對耶，真的不一樣！

你可以經歷了一件事但沒有‘走出來’。你還是你，或者是更糟的你。

當你突破自己時，那就是‘經驗’了。

上週一連串的事情同時發生。一位朋友來醫院探望我時，聽我冷靜的訴說（其實也說了幾十遍）我入院的過程。她看著我說，你怎麼這麼冷靜這麼開朗啊？她離開後，我想了 想她剛剛的話。我真的冷靜真的開朗嗎？

星期一 11/4

吃了早餐後，我覺得肚子抽痛。我以為大姨媽要來拜訪了。後來我越想越不對勁因為到了中午，連個影子都沒有。

午餐點了雲吞和奶茶，越吃越想吐。朋友說鐵定是身體熱到了。帶我去買風痧丸。吃了反而更想吐。肚子抽痛的更猛烈，渾身也開始無力了。後來才決定看醫生。

我向來只吃中藥，因為我自認為中藥可以治本而不像西藥這樣只是把病暫時‘壓下去’。吃藥後，晚餐什麼都沒吃就去休息了。不料當晚卻開始不斷的嘔吐。我爸媽 嚇壞了因為我 很少這樣。後來吃了一點胃藥就睡著了 （又自己當醫生，呵呵）。

星期二 12/4

肚子還是疼。開始不能站直了。去看西醫。他細心的檢查，然後叫我放心，確定不是盲腸。太好了！他診斷是腸胃炎，開了藥我就回家休息了。一天除了肚子還是抽 痛外，一切都很平靜。晚上也早早去睡覺。但刺激的事情來了....

晚上肚子激痛到醒起來3次。我抱著肚子，捲成熟蝦的姿態。我記得我心裡想，癌症的病人真的很可憐，我這樣偶爾的抽痛就讓我難以入眠，難受。何況他們的痛是 無時無刻的。在祈禱中，我睡覺。

星期三 13/4

再跟老闆請一天假。

第三天了，肚子的抽痛有增沒減。老爸建議我還是去照肚子比較保險。

老實說，我活了這大把年紀，只驗過血一次，而且是13年前。好啦，把你的下巴收起來。 20個人聽了都是這個反應。我知道了.....

Anyway, 中午時間，我到我 Office 後面的醫院看醫生。那位女醫生按壓， 放開我的肚子，還真的很痛吶。她說確定不是盲腸（再一次歡呼！）但發炎的狀況似乎有點嚴重。抽了血我就回家休息等待消 息。 2小時候後，醫院打來說報告出來了，叫我回去見醫生。這次是驗血的，應該可以對症下藥的吧？好期待拿了藥回家休息。

到了醫院，醫生叫我等一下。然後我看她很忙的到處走。後來她跟另外一位醫生一起走過來（大事不妙）。她說我的報告不是很樂觀，發炎很嚴重但還在找源頭。另 外一位是腸胃醫生，他再幫我檢查。簡單的幾個檢查後，腸胃醫生要我做多幾個比較深入的檢驗。很快的，我就被推入急診區，護士們幫我插管，開始了一連串的檢 查。約下午3點，醫生過來跟我說，我今天不能回家，要住院觀察。

我平時不來做檢查，一檢查就是入院？哈哈~ 

我記得我還跟醫生求情先讓我回家打包一些東西過來，但醫生不答應。說這樣的情況開車很危險。就這樣，我被送入病房。幸好我的office 就在後面，我請同事在我桌位幫我打包幾本書，借了電話 charger, 拿些飲用水等等給我。 Office 就在後面，真的太方便了！哈哈~ 爸媽晚上也帶了好吃的粥給我補身體，還有一些書（但為何都沒帶換洗的衣服給我呀？好可愛）

我媽媽看見我的模樣，心疼的問我晚上要不要她在這裡陪著。當然不用呀。沒床睡很不舒服的。我自己可以的。我早已當著自己是來度假２，3天了。可以趁機休息 其實也不錯呀。我告訴媽媽我真的沒事。 。 。很快又是活虎一隻了。

我在醫院過３天２夜。很多人來探望我。連不熟的人也來了，呵呵。謝謝大家的關心呢~ 

這期間，雖然有很多痛苦（肚子疼痛，加上一直發燒，燒退了然後又發。還因此差點得多留院一晚），但其實我很享受在醫院什麼都不用做（因為什麼也做不了）的 時間。只是靜靜的跟自己相處，靜靜閱讀那些年買了但沒時間看的書。清晨時分靜靜的跟我的”新朋友“一起站在窗前看著外面忙碌的世界。靜靜的發呆著，什麼 都不想。

你多久沒靜靜的跟自己相處了？

一場病後，發現健康還是最重要的。有時，休息是為了走更長的路。所以何不偶爾放自己一個假呢？哪怕只是1小時，也是可以讓疲憊的心靈有個呼吸的機會。

一場小病換來那麼多體悟，我覺得也不是件壞事~ 在醫院裡，我看到其他病人病的比我更嚴重，讓我覺得自己有多幸運，生命有多脆弱。活著就該快樂。曾經聽到這一句話：沒有過不了的事，只有過不了的心情。真的，深深體會.......

沒有過不了的事，只有過不了的心情

老街，我来啦~ 耶！

去年11月，朋友們揪我一起發揮愛家鄉的心。我考慮了很久.....

很久以前我就很喜歡逛老街。看著古老的建築物，招牌和快失傳的手藝，百感交集。

感動，因為古老的它們仍被保留著。

遺憾，因為不知什麼時候它們又會消失。說'又'是因為政府已剷除了很多古物。也因為些人民已不到老街逛了，也沒人願意學習古老的手藝了...

我很希望大家好好珍惜愛護保留這珍貴的一切... 因為有它們、才有了現在的我們。

我偶爾會提點身邊的家人朋友... 但效果及力量真的有限~ 

有天，一班愛家鄉（其實也很愛吃（還是貪吃？呵呵））的朋友問說要不要一起參加老街導覽的培訓課。當然、培訓後就得上街、大聲及用行動的來帶動大家一起愛上這老街、這家鄉～

蝦米？ ！在大眾面前說話是我的致命傷呀~ 我不會哈拉。每次我老闆要我代替他到induction course 給新人講'故事'時，我20分鐘內就搞定了。真不明白為何我們的人事部 assign 每個部門1小時的時間 :/

所以我朋友問我要不要參加這培訓課時，我真的有點爭扎。

我希望更多人了解及愛惜我們的老街，文化，歷史等等，但我真的不是說話的料呐~

但我想.... 我可以永遠活在自己舒適的圈圈裡，也可以只做我喜歡及會做的事。 。 。但這樣框著自己，好嗎？

以前的我最不喜歡改變。不喜歡改變的人有天會被社會淘汰。不改變的人有天會被人罵說是個'固執的老頑童'~ 

不會做，就去學吧~

不喜歡做，就鼓勵自己吧~

活著就多學吧~

人生不需要太多‘紅線’。

雖沒豪爽的立刻答應但最後還是答應了。哈哈~

老街，我來啦~ 請大家多多指教！

 義工導覽員 in the making :P

古晉老街的美

上週的煙霾真的很嚴重。雖然空氣不新鮮，視線也不清楚但還是不阻止我和朋友出外~　誰叫吃喝玩樂這麼重要？哈！

我很喜歡逛老街 (part 1, part 2)。有時我會找一個時間，把車子停的遠遠的，然後古晉老街趴趴走。看著前人留下的痕跡，似乎可以感受到他們為了在異鄉生活而做的努力～　他們努力的創造他們懷念自己家鄉的建築，手藝，文化等，如今我們的政府卻為了呈現華麗的城市而把這些可貴的建築屋剷平。雖然感謝政府為了提升人民的生活品質而建了很多新的設備，但真心希望他們可以以不傷害原本樣貌的方式去進行。歷史一定要被保留呀！我們古晉也是個有故事的城市～　古老的手藝也漸漸消失因沒人願意繼承這堅苦的工作。週末時間，大家都往 Shopping Mall 去，沒人願意在炎熱的天氣裡逛老街。如果大家繼續這麼不關心自己的'故事'，真擔心有天這些寶貴的建築，手藝，文化等會隨著時間消失了～　

最近發現朋友也跟我有同樣的想法。他說有天他跟同事聊起老街的回憶，而同事卻回他說他從不到老街，不懂他在說舍。朋友聽了很驚訝，年齡沒有很大的距離，怎麽會沒逛過老街？這就是可怕的地方～　

放假的那天，我們倆相約到老街喝咖啡去。不是因為我們老了，而是我們想要在他們還沒消失前好好珍惜也把他們記錄起來。

大家或許不知道，在這老街里，隱藏了一家保留傳統咖啡的咖啡店吧？你知不知道古晉有條街曾經被稱為“棺材街＂？　有天我和朋友們提起這名字。很妙的是，竟然沒人聽過！怎麼會這樣？ ！

這傳統咖啡店就座落在棺材街。說實在的，我常經過這間咖啡店但卻第一次踏進它！相見恨晚！但遲到好過沒到，呵呵～　　咖啡店的座位不多，我們坐下來後，我細細看四周，哇！好古老！電視機，冰箱，時鐘，櫃子等都是老舊的。仿坲我坐了時空機回到了從前。

哇，還掛著國父孫中山的照片呢！

是不是很有古早味？ 

咖啡店的开放式厨房

古老的開關

老闆和老闆娘是安娣安哥（aunty uncle)。我們點了他們的傳統飲料”果比股油“　（福建話：　咖啡加牛油／奶油）。雖然古晉的咖啡豆原本就是咖啡豆跟牛油一起炒，泡出來的咖啡有一種香味，但在咖啡裡加牛油還真的是罕見。牛油在熱熱的咖啡中慢慢溶化，同時聞到咖啡香和牛油香，真的很想趕快喝！我平時不喝黑咖啡因為好像在喝苦茶但加了牛油的果比真的有點像加了奶的咖啡。好喝！我們邊喝邊吃在附近的老店買的蛋撻，真的是美妙的搭配！雖然卡路里爆表，但就先甜後苦吧～　待會兒去 gym　待久些就是了。人啊，要為自己的所作所為負責嘛～　

果比股油

我也跟朋友提起這條街的俗名，他也搖頭說不懂這名字。我們立刻問安娣安哥。他們說，對啊，大家以前都叫這裡棺材街因為有很多賣棺材的在這裡營業。看吧！哈哈，我突然覺得我好像是古人。怎麼大家都不曉得但我卻知道。突然覺得我沒去當歷史家好可惜，呵呵～　

老街的过去

我很喜歡這里古色古香的擺設。再加上一杯傳統果比股油，我好像回到了當時的世界。我想像當時大家忙碌了一整天后到這裡來飲咖啡和朋友聊天放鬆。對有些人來說或許到此喝一咖啡是一種奢侈。我下次還要來，而且還要带其他朋友們來老街逛和吃吃喝喝。希望大家一起努力保留我們的“故事”。

Being honest with myself

I came across this book. Am kinda inspired and motivated. This will be my project this weekend.

How to keep your stuff neatly to save space

Many years ago, i went thru the pain to revamp my bedroom. I vowed that I will not clutter it ever again as I do not want to ever go through the pain of cleaning again. 

Haha, talk is cheap because, things started to pile up again over the years, although it isn't as bad as it used to be (in denial). I just need to learn some storing skills. 

I know, deep in my heart that storing (aka hiding) things properly isn't really the correct solution to my problem. There is a Chinese saying that goes "To prevent the weed from re-growing, one must destroy the root". So after my careful analysis, I figured that the root cause of my problem is in fact my habits @_@  

If I could stop buying unnecessarily, I wouldn't even need to learn how to store things properly! If i can't stop myself from buying, at least i need to learn to clear unwanted or unused things to make way for my new things.

There, I have confessed. 

How about you?